Monday, Monday

I hate landlords. They suck. Let's just see how long it takes to get my deposit back...

Tennis started yesterday. Yay! Except my arm is sore. I played pretty well considering I haven't picked up a racket since college. I do need to get my racket regripped though. Add it to the to-do list.

Also, haircut yesterday. It's short... But definately an improvment. I made Brian let me wear his hat when we went out the other night because my hair was so awful.

Ciara and I spent the afternoon eating crabs and chitchatting. Talking about the boys. Pretty decent day off.

So Beautiful by Idina Menzel

This song has been floating through my mind all day. hmmm.... wonder why??! ;-)

Sometimes I watch you while you're sleeping
I see you're having dreams tonight
And I know just by the way you're breathing
that I'm a vision in your mind
Where ever you may go my love
Where ever you may be
all that matters in this world is just lying next to me
so sleep tight sweetheart, you're free
So beautiful, you make me smile
So wonderful you're in my life
Incredible that you are mine
So beautiful you give me life
You bring me joy, you bring me sight...

...Where ever I may go my love
Where ever I may be
I know my dreams will find you lying next to me

the biggest possible smile...finally

So many conflicted feelings... and yet everyday reaffirms a constant happiness as an undercurrent. I'm beginning to realize just how miserable I've been for the past year. I really let myself settle for so many things. Now I'm able to pick up the pieces and be absolutely true to myself. As someone recently told me, it's all about trust. And damn am I trusting...

God, he makes me happy.


PS. Justin is ok. I've finally heard from him.

I'm only thinking of...

I've had a lot on my mind lately. Yesterday I realized how much some things are bugging me. First off, money. Money always worries me. I don't know how to better deal with it. I don't have extravagant expenses, I just don't make very much. It's on my mind a lot now with student loans due and my need to buy a car... Secondly, I have not heard from Justin in about three weeks. This really worries me as he's stationed in Iraq and generally we are in touch at least once a week, via email or letter. The sucky thing is that I can't do anything about except wait for news... (those who really know me, know that I'm not nearly as patient as I seem). Third, my landlord (Big Frank) has not returned my deposit yet. I've left messages for him, but he's not communicated with me about it one way or another. I'm very frustrated about this, because if I had it, I could put a downpayment on a fabulous car I found. (97 Jetta for 2800). AARRRGGGGHHHHH. Besides, there's no reason for him not to return it. Of course there's the other stuff to worry about: next job, Brian leaving, my weight issues, Zelda, etc...

Good news, I have no criminal record... (I had to have a background check for the school job)... sigh... I just need a perpetual nap.

Hersheypark Happy

brikatehershey
Originally uploaded by actorkate.

Yesterday spent the day with the fam and friends at Hersheypark. It was a long tiring day, but I think we all had fun. (It's really hard to take a group of 8 and stick together all day). We saw Brian's show, which despite his constant bitching about it, was really quite cute.

I got to spend most of the evening with Brian, Meghan, "Dutch" and friends. It made my day complete. Later Brian and I ended up going to a diner for some food and "watched" some law and order...

Don't have rehearsal until 2:30 and I woke up in a happy place. It's going to be a good day. I can already tell...

So perfectly describes my summer...

...this is a song from my graduate recital, that I've now had the pleasure of experiencing...

Oh, it's way past time when I should be home in bed.
But, i'm standing here in the moonlit street instead.
I want to drink the breeze in and bathe in lantern light.
Oh, my reason's gone and I blame it on the summer night.

I see couples pass and their eyes are luminous
And they smile at me as if to say "you're one of us"
What's going on here? The streets are full of lunatics
Sharing some pagan rite.
If we're here till dawn can we blame it on the summer night.

I keep remembering his eyes
fiery pale in the moonlight
Spinning my heart into an endless flight
But I'm not to blame, it's just the shameless summer night.

I've got to stop this.
I've never felt so giddy.
Why are the stars so bright?
Through the streets I wander and blame it on the summer night.

Maybe the sun will come soon.
Maybe the morning will save me.
Clearing my mind, giving me back my sight.
But for now I'm stuck in the sweet seductive summer night.

good week.

It's been a nice week. It's nice to only have one job at a time. It's nice to be paid to do what I do. It's nice to sleep in till 10. It's nice to have a 2 hour rehearsal and get paid for 8 (twice).

Ok. So for all the interested kids: I met Jessica. She's nice and she seems to have known every thing that was going on in good 'ole Mechanicsburg. And they are officially broken up. Pretty much end of story. (i'm not allowed to talk about the male half of that story, as it pisses Brian off ;-) not that I blame him much)

Today, I'm going to lunch with mi madre and shannon. Then I'm going to spend the afternoon working on my stuff for the show. Rehearsal at 5. Then crazy Chuck's party - hottub and all!!!! Whoo hoo...

Tomorrow is another day.

Wacky-ass day today.

Last day at the OG where I sliced my leg open by pulling over a cart of dishes onto myself and the floor. Very loud noise, great way to start the day. Came home and took a nap (a favorite past-time). Shannon and I decided spur of the moment to go to Hersheypark for the evening. Brian got us comp tickets... (love him!) and spent the evening riding the rollercoasters with us. Shannon promptly left her purse (cell phone, wallet, and keys) in Brian's car. We got a flat tire halfway home, which I heroically changed all by myself (and one slightly panicked call home) and taught Shannon how to do it. Finally home.

Tomorrow I start my real job. Rehearsals begin for The Secret Garden at the Fulton. I'm getting excited!!! First though, I need sleep!!!!

Best Date Ever.

I had a supurb time yesterday. Brian took me four-wheeling for the afternoon. I got incredibly dirty but got to see some pretty amazing sites (and a whole lot of campsites I'll never be able to keep straight ;-) Then we went out to dinner at a nice local place near Brian's family's home, and then he surprised me with an evening of (semi-) stargazing... The best day I've had in a long long time. By far the best date I've ever been on.

sigh... contentedness

sleep, i need sleep...

Man, these late nights are killing me. I wish I didn't enjoy them so much...

I promised CJ that I would bitch about him in my weblog today. He pulled an "Ernest" on me last night and I was just about ready to kick him. But all is well now... hehehe

Only a few more OG days. I can make it, I can make it... (my new mantra)

yawn... here I go, off to work...

P.S. Seth, I'm not avoiding you. Timing has just sucked recently. I keep missing your calls, and I know it's difficult to reach you. Besides, you only ever call me when there's a drama.

Happy Birthday to Benjamin!!!

Kate and Ben
Originally uploaded by actorkate.

Strange Dear, But True Dear...

Went to see De-Lovely with Brian, Colette, Meg, Krissy, Erica, and Janna. It was quite a lovely movie, my only complaint was the cheesiness of "Blow, Gabriel, Blow" near the end of the movie (I like the song, I just hated the way it was used.) Kevin Kline was magnificent. I'm very glad that Brian got to see this movie, having gotten to live with Cole Porter for some time.

Speaking of those characters, I've become obsessed. Brian and I talked about it tonight. I'm having a very difficult time letting this woman go. We are so similar in many ways that I can't seperate the two. I'll admit, part of me doesn't want to. I'm looking forward to the NY version and because of that I can't just walk away. I'm hoping that The Secret Garden will be something of a distraction for me...

Along similar (but not) lines, I'm real tired of people telling me that I'm a bitch. I know I'm a bitch. Let it go. I'm ok with it, and if you're not then walk away. I don't expect everyone to take to me. I'm self-centered, controlling, bossy, and interminably focused. And if I wasn't I wouldn't be able to do what I do. There are very few people that I try to break down these walls for... (thank you, bri, for letting me be me)

last dance

Thanks everyone for such a wonderful time last night. I couldn't have asked for a better Friday night. I shall miss you all when you head back to college...

I couldn't find a notion...a notion of shame

"Zelda"
Originally uploaded by actorkate.

Ode To The Faces (At Least I Got To Hang Out With You)

by CJ Coolsen

Verse--
Alabama, was where you used to throw your hat on the floor
You're too capricious, for a world in pieces
when the Kaiser's got an arm in the door
Here comes the boy with aspirations
living off the fountain of youth
We skip to Times Square, short hair, New Year's party
drinkin' from a champagne flute

Chorus--
What a Sign of the Times
It's great to be alive, kickin' out the old for the new
The last to arrive, 'cause all the people inside
always see the day as a small price to pay
And if this ever gets boring, I'll just take a bow and burn it out
But if you ever went crazy, I might die
I don't know what I'd do, but at least I could say
I got to hang out with you
At least I got to hang out with you

Verse--
Trip Fantastic, a proclamation for the state that we're in
I'm superstitious, but it's so delicious
when you're drownin' in a bathtub of gin
So now I'm reachin' up to heaven, and I'm flippin' off the Lordy
and I'm never gonna stop, well at least 'til 1940
Then we take the A train across the ocean
until the end of this revolution

Bridge--
Don't write down anything I can live without
But where's my protection when you scream and shout
And how'd we come to the Great White Hunter
everything that could put us under
Can you remember when it used to be sugar and spice
on This Side of Paradise

Verse--
Culture babies, we used to break the rules on a whim
The Great Depression is the word in session
for the nation goin' out on a limb
And now the fat cats, in top hats, are messin' with my money
and all we did was dance the Lindy, well I guess it's pretty funny
So I'll take it in the way I do, as long as I still have you

Chorus--
What a Sign of the Times
It's great to be alive, kickin' out the old for the new
The last to arrive, 'cause all the people inside
always see the day as a small price to pay
And if this ever gets boring, I'll just take a bow and burn it out
And if we ever went crazy, we'll just fade away
But at least they could say
I got to hang out with you
At least I got to hang out with you



Sittin' in a cafe, I think we finally landed
and we're talkin' 'bout the freedom that we used to take for granted
'cause we're strangers in a foreign land,
where all the people sing:
OO LA LA
OO LA LA LA LA
OO LA LA
OO LA LA LA LA

Liftin' up the hemlines, bullets on St. Valentines
Chaplin on the big screen, Time has got a magazine
Nazis in the beer hall, hopin' for the big fall
Jazz in the backroom, jammin' out the new boom
Calvin's keepin' quiet, while the Klan is at the Hyatt
And the women that we're goting, gettin' sick of never voting
If you're taken what is given, you could lose your inhibitions
But it really doesn't matter,

OH MY GOD, IT'S PROHIBITION!!!!

Some Favorite Quotes

"You should be kissed and often and by someone who knows how."  -Rhett to Scarlett


"And, when love calls again, so foolishly they run. They run without a sound, the desperate ones..."


"They can keep us from kissing, but they can't keep us from singing!" - Hairspray


"...but it wouldn't be as awful as a summer in Ohio..."


"If I didn't believe in you, I couldn't have stood before all of our friends and said, 'this is the life I choose, this is the thing I can't bear to loose.  Trip us or trap us, but we refuse to fall.'  If I didn't believe in you, I wouldn't have loved you at all."


"Days of yore, kind and gentle... ask me if I'm sentimental?  Not for the life of me!"


"Poor?  Not me, honey, I don't want those money woes.  I'll marry Paul, or Dave, or Rob, or Peter so I can buy my clothes at Saks Fifth Avenue, Bergdorf Goodman too... The Priviledged few, plus you-know-who!"

My new favorite: "Grab your dick and double clickl!"

I love tbs.

So, my sis and I are having a lovely ending to the day. We got steamed crabs and for dessert, olives stuffed with garlic. (Ok, we're a little weird sometimes.) We both fell asleep to A Mighty Wind, and now wide awake, we are watching The Princess Bride which just happens to be on tbs tonight. (I hope my Zelda friends are catching it too! As we initiaited some PB vigins this weekend.)

sigh... contentedness

Absolute Perfection

I am walking on clouds.

Zelda is done now, but I have never become so attached to a character, to a cast, to a creative team... If I were a writer I would better be able to put this all into words, however I'm not, so just try to catch a glimpse of my glow. CJ wrote a song, somewhat about the 20's and this experience and when he sends me the lyrics I will post them. As he sang it there were six of us standing together hanging on to each other "as if [we were] gold or something." There was no better gift that was given during this experience then that song.

I'm sorry that I missed saying goodbye to everyone last night. I'm especially sorry not to see Meghan, Adam, and CJ before they left (somehow I think Meghan will understand...) I was a little wrapped up in another goodbye...

(I'm in such a good mood, that even the OG didn't bother me today)