Don't know why...

...there's no stars up in the sky. Stormy weather, since my love and I ain't together. Keeps raining all the time...

Oh dear. Been taking a long trip down memory lane today. I googled myself, as I was launching a new version of the Red Door site and wanted to check out the googlibility of it. And as I did, I hit, not very far down the list, an old blog entry of a former flame. I didn't read the blog. As a matter of fact I can't even bring myself to go to his websites blog or business. But, the line that popped was enough to send me reeling.

What a crazy love life I have had...

Brian and I went to Coney Island on Friday night, just to have a little fun. We don't seem to be able to relax enough to just have fun in this process of trying to be friends. Perhaps Coney wasn't the best place to go. It took me back to that August night, the most wonderful night of my New York existance, with Talon Beeson, Geoffrey Long, and their various friends. I called Talon, I couldn't help it. I really wanted to call Geoff, but a) I know better, and b)I don't have his number anymore. Why have I had Geoff on the brain so much recently???

Monday night, at Bryant park, I saw Seth Morgan. I went to go chat with him and then decided better of it. I have to remind myself that the fates are in control, and all things, though we don't always understand why, work out as they should. Seth and I said that we would hang out once we were both living in the city, but something tells me it would end up a wonderful horrible mess if we did. I wonder quite often, why we had to meet when we did. A few years later and things would have been amazingly different.

If I could go back in my life I know what changes I'd make. But how would they have changed me? Am I better off as I am? I guess I have to assume that I am. My directing teacher said, on the very first day of class, "Always assume that everything is purposeful." Interesting perspective on life, I'd say.

Also, on my trek down the lane, I got an email from Melissa Frock. She and I were really close friends in high school, and somehow, in the last few years have completely lost touch. She filled me on what her life is like. It's outline is surprisingly like mine. Hope to see her in the fall at our reunion.

Sigh.

I'm ready for Mrs. Fitzgerald to come to New York. I need to dive into something wholeheartedly.